David Hasselhoff: Swiss as Cheese.

Hasselhoff brings it to a whole new level for Sings America by representing the entire nation with such heartwarming hits as "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head," "You've Lost That Lovin Feeling," "These Boots Are Made For Walking," and "Rhinestone Cowboy."

Superstar pop-culture icon David Hasselhoff is at it again. Two short years on the heels of the Brandy wars, the Hoff is back on the multinational scene, making slanderous comments about both America and Greece by declaring - on live national television - that Harlem performance artists The James Gang were "as American as the Olympics."

Yes David, I can't think of anything more comparable to baseball and apple pie than be-bopping 1920's stereotypes performing a spoken word act mixed with magic... Oh wait; how about a french-revived ancient greek multinational tournament of athleticism?

In honor of Hasselhoff's absolutlely mind-numbing comment I'd like to name some other things that are as American as the Olympics:

• Euthanasia
• Chinese Food
• Atlases
• Mario & Sonic
• Toilet Paper
• Oxygen
• Germany