North Pole: Not So Jolly In Off Season

Six middle school students in North Pole were recently arrested for plotting a school massacre. Without having any actual facts, I can only assume that Santa had something to do with this.

Six students were caught trying to get all Columbinesque when someone apparently posted something alluding to their plans on their MySpace account. Sure, a guy like me tries everything he can to get people to read his weblog, and here these kids are caught before they can even try anything. I guess it's time to start plotting a school shooting. Good advice, though: If you are plotting illegality in general, try not to advertise in the public domain.

Seriously, though, why is it that every time Alaska makes the national news, it has something to do with some fucked up kids and/or Natives? Do we make a big deal about your drunken crazy substance abusive Indian problems, contiguous United States? You guys are total cock-blockers.