Liquid Ass: Totally Necessary Product.

No one really liked Todd because he was always talking about 'racing Liquid Ass.' He wouldn't shut up about how smoothly it ran, and how fast it could go. That's just gross.

Whatever the top prize for inventions is, this year it needs to go to the guys who invented Liquid Ass. Not only is it a 100% necessary product with a cool name, but at $4.75 a bottle it's a bargain as well. I'd definitely recommend buying a case ($3.94 ea. per 9 pack), because you can never have enough Liquid Ass close at hand. Just think of all the applications for Liquid Ass, especially in scenarios where solid ass is simply not viable.

I've already decided how to get my piece of the pie, however, and Liquid Ass had better watch it's... Well, you know.

Available by request, on my website only, but hopefully gracing store shelves soon: Real Human Feces; guaranteed to be even funnier than Liquid Ass.